Better and worse
26 Jun 2011 Comments Off on Better and worse
in IRL
So, just as a personal update:
I’ve been trying to work really hard with my therapist. I’ve been exercising, working on my sleep and working on coping skills for my bipolar disorder and my obsessive compulsive disorder. I’m actually hopeful for working on my eating disorder. With my many medications and this therapy, I feel like I’ve really started enjoying life for the first time, and that I actually have started appreciating and wanting life, where I used to feel like I was just biding time till I died. Best thing is I feel like I have a lot more perspective on my past, thinking outside of myself and my own pain, and have started to let go of a lot of the guilt of my past.
Do I still have a lot of problems, do I still have regrets? Of course, but I feel so much more hopeful that this is helping. She is the first therapist I’ve been really able to respect. I really respect her focus on scientific research, rather than a lot of the really fluffy, unsupported beliefs. She is pretty amazing. She goes beyond the call of duty so often. The way she validates my feelings really helps with all the guilt somehow.
The one thing I’ve been working on, but I’m not sure I’m making much improvement: my back pain. I’ve been doing the exercising and stretches, but sometimes it feels like I’m not making any improvements, or even making it worse. Right now I’m sitting here, with my legs and hips aching. My broken ankle hasn’t really hurt in the last few months (although it took nearly a year for it to stop hurting and swelling). But, my neck pain has been a lot worse. One day my back was hurting so much that I leaned forward at my desk at work, just to try and make the joints pop, or at least stretch out the pain, and instead when I came up, my neck started spasming so badly that I couldn’t lift my head without involuntarily jerking my neck back down . It took hours for the muscles to sort themselves out so that I could lift my head. My back pain is still a problem, with the pain radiating down my legs. Since 2000 this has been going on. -_-
Still, I did my work. Both my bosses have nothing but the highest praise for my work, and it makes me very proud. I do my best to life up to it.